We live in a society that is both more open and more frightened than any that has ever existed before. In the United States, the idea of the chaperone has become a quaint part of our history. What we've forgotten is that a chaperone served a very distinct purpose: A chaperone allowed two people to get together, while keeping an eye on things. Sure, you couldn't hold hands, or kiss, or - heaven forbid - do anything more intimate without being tsk-tsked to kingdom come, but it also meant that you didn't have to worry about improper or uncomfortable advances or fret that your date would interpret your intentions as less than honorable.
Having a chaperone along on a date may have felt restrictive, but it also meant safety. Today that restriction - and that safety - are gone. Now you're faced with the same urge to merge but with few guidelines and no one, other than yourself, for protection.
If the two of you are ever going to have a date, you have to be able to connect. Of course, you could agree to meet on a specific street corner or at a party or restaurant or after a class. But sooner or later, it will occur to one of you that being able to get in touch if plans should change would be nice - and that means a more personal way to connect, and that means a phone number.
Getting a phone number means that the two of you have moved from being strangers to at least being acquaintances, and that can be a very large and somewhat scary first step. To compound the problem, men and women have different senses of times and different sensibilities. Men often feel they have to ask for a number even when they have no interest, and women often feel they have to give out a number even if they have no interest. To help you, this chapter covers how to both get and give a phone number - with the minimum wear and tear on both of you. It also covers what to say during the call, and if you're hesitant to hand out your home phone number, you can also find phone number alternatives.
Asking for a Number
Whether you were introduced by friends, ran into one another on the street, or met at a party, unless you believe that the two of you share a karma that will cause you to run into one another again and again, you're either going to have to depend on blind fate or you're going to have to get a number: a home phone number or a cell number (a great option because it allows you to give out a number without having to transpose one of the last digits for someone you don't really want to give your phone number to.) If you really don't want to give a phone number, don't do it. Give a street address, an e-mail address, a business card, or something. (I know there's always the mutual friend route, but you're not in 7th grade any more - I hope. Plus, if you contact the other person directly, you get a lot more - and more reliable - information.)
There are only a limited number of reasons why you might ask for a phone number:
1. You want to call the person.
2. You're not sure whether you want to call the person but want the number just in case.
3. You know you don't want to call, but you don't want to appear rude. The following sections give you tips for handling each of these scenarios.
You want to get in touch with the person
When you know you want to call someone, obviously you need to ask for the phone number. One of the best ways to approach getting someone else's number is to demonstrate your good faith and to show that you're not Jack or Jacqueline the Ripper:
1. Smile, talk softly, and make eye contact. See Chapter 7 to find out how to approach someone without scaring the daylights out of them.
2. Ask for the number in a friendly, nonthreatening way. For example, instead of saying, "So, can I have your number?" try something like, "I'd really like to stay in touch. Is there a number where I can reach you?" Giving out your phone number if you want to is certainly okay, but doing so puts you in the position of waiting for his call. The best way to offset this position of passivity is to ask for his number as well. Or you can take his and not give yours. (Of course, if you have no intention of calling him, don't ask for the number. It's just as nasty for you to ask for his number and not call as it is for him to ask for your number and then not call you.) See the section "Giving Your Phone Number" later in this chapter for advice on how to take an active role in getting together.
3. Offer your own number. Offering your number is a great way to deflect suspicion by putting the proverbial ball in the other person's court. Offering rather than asking also allows you to be vulnerable first. You can win sensitivity points by saying, "Look, I know these days, a gorgeous woman like you has to be careful, so if you would prefer, I can give you a way to get in touch with me. I'd love to court you the old-fashioned way and call you, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable by asking you to give me your number if you're not ready."
You want to keep your options open
In a perfect world, you could actually say, "I'm not sure I want to call you, but, what the heck, give me your number just in case." Of course, a line like that isn't exactly flattering. You're probably better served by expressing an interest but giving yourself an out by saying something like this:
"Look, I'd really love to call you, but I'm . . . (pick one)
*really busy at work
*traveling a lot
*getting out of a relationship
*covered with herpes
*feeling poorly (not poor, which means you're in the midst of pecuniary strangulation)
*scheduled for surgery
*about to be drafted
Advice from the animal kingdom
Yes, even at our most well-behaved, we're still animals - human animals, but animals nonetheless. As a result, the same rules that apply to the larger animal kingdom sometimes apply to us.
Author Resource:-
Dating Ideas serves as a fun and complete resource for ways to develop and increase one’s dating self-confidence by providing tips and warnings to prepare potential daters’ for nearly any scenario.
![[Valid RSS feed]](http://www.freebie-articles.com/images/rss.gif "XML Feed For RSS")
Category Rss Feed
Print This Article
Add To Favorites