With the divorce rate at 50%, most people have experienced a breakup in their life. Breakups happen frequently in dating relationships also. The more you practice most things in life, the better you get at them. This is not the case for breakups. The more it happens to you, the harder it is to get over it.
Most partners wish they were back together at some point after the breakup subsides. The first shock of the breakup can make you do and say things that you later wish you had not done or said. In most cases after cooling down, both partners have a feeling of wanting to go back together but do not always act on the impulse.
If the relationship had mostly happy times and did not consist of physical abuse, it is not uncommon to want to go back together. When polled, even abused spouses still wanted to or did go back to their abusive ex spouse. The physical and psychological connection between a couple is a very strong bond. If your relationship was abusive, it may be best to move on and not try to repair it. The breakup may be a blessing in disguise.
Relationships normally follow a pattern. It goes something like this. You meet and it is pure bliss. Neither of you can do anything wrong. Your faults and inconsistencies are overlooked.
After the initial "honeymoon" period, you settle in and get comfortable in the relationship. Now things that were there all the time start to get noticed. Things start to bother you and begin to be more irritating.
This is the point when the relationship starts to get tested. Now it takes effort to keep the relationship together and growing. Sometimes at this point, one or the other cannot take the quirks and "wants out." Instead of realizing that most relationships go through these phases and need to be worked out, they just quit. Then the breakup happens.
Now that you understand the process and think your relationship is worth saving, it is time to get started. Here are five tips to help you make a plan to get your relationship back together.
1. Time to apologize. It is hard to say "I am sorry" but those three words can be one of the best ways to heal a relationship. Do not blame yourself for everything. DO not over apologize. Make sure you only apologize for the right reasons and for what you feel you are to blame.
Say you are sorry, but do not fight or argue. If the blame game starts, do not participate. Stay cool, apologize and then just listen. Biting your tongue will serve you well later on.
2. Communicate. That is right. Talk out the issues and get them into the open. It is hard to fix what you do not know about. No crying, pleading or emotions...just civil adult conversation.
If you run into a roadblock in the conversation, then move on to another subject and come back to the issue later. From the beginning, make sure your ex knows that there will be no fighting or blaming during the conversation. If this is agreeable to your ex, then make a plan to set down and talk.
If you can talk out the problems, then you can both work on a solution to get them resolved and possibly get back together. Make sure you take your time and do not seem over anxious or desperate.
3. Be willing to allow each other space. Just because you want to talk and work things out does not mean your ex wants to do the same. Give your ex space to think about the situation and anything said during the conversation.
Allowing a cooling off period and being apart for some time can be beneficial to the relationship. Having some amount of contact with your ex during this period is a good sign that the relationship can be saved.
4. Show you care. Show your ex you care for them by caring for yourself. Go out, have fun and go on with life. Showing your ex you cannot carry on life in general without them can make you look needy, desperate and not worthy of their time.
Do not send your ex the wrong message by being too clingy or smothering. By going out shopping, to the movies or social events, you will be showing your ex you are independent and strong. Do things that make you happy and have fun.
5. Do not sit by the phone. Waiting for your ex to call will only drive you crazy. It is best to be busy or not at home if your ex does call. This will show there is no desperation on your part.
If your ex does call when you are home, let it ring and see if your ex leaves a message. Do not worry. Your ex will call back and will wonder what you have been doing. Call your ex back the next day and say you were busy. This mystery will work in your favor.
These are just a few tips to help you get your ex back. If you want to make a failsafe plan to get your ex back, there are other steps to take.
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